The topics taught here at CGA are hard and heavy. We are learning more than just the simple gospel. We are diving deep into our emotions, sense of self, and healing and how God views it all.

Classes would be easy if I let everything I hear go in one ear and out the other. All we really have to do is show up...

But I haven't just been showing up. I've been listening and receiving. I've been processing through hard things and recognizing wounds that I have in my life. It's overwhelming to say the least.

Some days I want to ignore all of what I hear, but I can't. God has been yearning for me to walk through those hard places. I won't find freedom or peace by ignoring the huge boulder rolling towards me. I have to fight my way through. 

The past week I have felt like a complete mess. I keep showing up to class with another painful thing dumped on top of me. One thing after another and I feel like I'm crumbling. The boulder grows bigger.

God says to me...

"You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you." Song of Solomon 4:7

No flaws? But Jesus, all I am seeing these days are the flaws of my life; the places I need to work on!

But there is beauty in every mess. There is so much beauty in my mess! I see how faithful the Lord is even when I'm falling apart. He is always there ready to catch me before I fall on my face. Yes, there are hard and tough places I need to walk through. But no matter how messy or chaotic or complex it may be, I am always loved, always cared for, always chosen by God. He will never leave me a broken mess; He will always be there to pick up the pieces and make it into something even more beautiful than it was before.